


I Couldn't Tell You

by theidiotwiththepaintedface



Category: Threshold (TV 2005)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internalized Homophobia, Kidnapping, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29977140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theidiotwiththepaintedface/pseuds/theidiotwiththepaintedface
Summary: Ramsey witnesses Lucas being kidnapped by an infectee.
Relationships: Lucas Pegg/Arthur Ramsey





	I Couldn't Tell You

“LUCAS!” Ramsey screams his name as he watches Lucas disappear into the back of the van. There’s not a single thing in the world he can do as he watches his friend be nabbed by an infectee and whisked away. He stands in silence for several long moments, mind blank with panic.

They’d been going out for lunch. Somewhere they’d never been before. Keeping to the rules, new places every time. _And what good had that done?_ Suddenly the thought occurs to him that he should report the kidnapping to his coworkers. A dry, emotionless laugh rings out through the air. _What good would that do?_

He pulls out his phone and dials Cavennaugh’s number. He explains the situation in detail, at least as much as he can. There’s not much detail to be explained.

_Walking to a shitty little restaurant. Laughing. At ease for the first time in a while. Big black van speeds out of an alley. Someone jumps out and grabs Lucas. They’re gone._

Nothing to be said, nothing to be done. In this moment, Ramsey feels near-certain that he’s lost his best friend in the world. More than that. He’s lost the man he loves. He hangs up the phone, ignores Cavennaugh’s promise that he’ll keep him updated. He drops to the ground. He sits there, leaning against grimy, damp concrete and regrets. 

He regrets not telling him how much he loves him. How much he wants to be with him, in every way possible. How he wishes they could marry. How he’d be happy with their friendship, if that’s all Lucas wanted. He brings his knees up to his chest and buries his face in his hands. He wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around Lucas right now. To keep him safe.

A stab of shame hits him as he realizes that he’d let other’s opinions rule his relationship with Lucas. He’d been too afraid of his team’s reactions to try to pursue what he really wanted. He’d been a coward. And now he’s paying for it. Now he won’t ever get the chance. 

He shoves himself to his feet and calls a cab. He doesn’t bother taking his shoes off when he gets home. Doesn’t bother doing anything other than pulling a bottle from the cupboard. He looks at it for a long, silent moment. He’d like nothing more than to drink until he passes out, to force the despair from his mind. 

_“I wish you’d stop drinking so much.”_

He winces as he remembers Lucas’ words. His soft, vulnerable expression as he’d said them. Ramsey had laughed them off, made a joke and ignored him. Now he heeds them. Both because he wants to honor Lucas’ wishes and because he has a small bit of hope in his heart. Hope that he’ll need to rush to the base so he can apologize to Lucas for not being able to help him. He won’t, no, he _can’t_ be passed out drunk if Lucas is found. He needs to be with him. 

He turns his phone’s volume up as loud as it goes before sitting down in his living room. He turns the TV on for background noise and settles in. His hope can’t drown out the tidal wave of anxiety and guilt that’s trying to drown him, but it can at least keep him afloat. He sits there for hours, just waiting for any word from Threshold. He briefly considers heading there himself, but he can’t stand the thought of his team’s eyes on him. Irrationally, he feels certain that they’ll see his shame somehow. His guilt over Lucas’ kidnapping, as well as his deeply hidden feelings for him. As his thoughts swirl through his exhausted mind, somehow he slips into a fitful sleep. He dreams a strange, frightening nightmare.

_He frantically shoves leaves aside. The plants in the jungle are all huge, towering things. He trips over writhing, slick vines. Rips thorned branches loose from his clothes. He’s searching for something. He knows he is. But he can’t quite put his finger on what. It’s on the tip of his tongue._

_Suddenly, he spies a cave. He’s certain it wasn’t there before, but it doesn’t matter. What he’s looking for might be in there. He rushes into the mouth of the cave. The mouth. There are teeth protruding from the stone entrance. He hurries past them, uncaring of the sharp, glowing shards. He’s momentarily blinded as he enters the inner cave. There’s a bright blue glow emanating from the crystals that fill the space. He blinks the light from his eyes._

_There’s someone standing in a clearing of the forest. A familiar name sits on his tongue. His mouth opens._

He wakes with a jolt. The ringing is near deafening in the quiet of the room.

He takes a deep breath before lifting the phone to his ear.


End file.
